we're blogging at a bar
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
