And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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