you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
