she woke up with a sticky ear
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
