I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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