I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just invented taco cereal.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize