whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
