You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
