I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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