They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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