It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
