Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize