I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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