I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
