After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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