I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
