4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
