no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
