He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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