either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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