i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
