4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
