I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
