he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
