youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize