he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
