I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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