Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
