I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
