She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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