last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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