Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
