Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
