I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
