I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
