Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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