Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
