Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
