Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
pray to the hookup gods
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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