You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
