The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
