i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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