I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
