Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
