Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
