my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
