ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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