this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
