Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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