My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I need to align my fucking chakras
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