I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This girl is more easily done than said...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
