chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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