i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
