not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
