names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
