Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize