my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
