Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I want her autograph on my taint
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
