Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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