the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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