You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
