Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
