i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
