She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
