Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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