i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Im part way to drunk.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
