I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
